eat. pray. love.

#123. for now, be happy.

2011-09-16T09:19:00.000+08:00

#122. Happy birthday.

2011-08-29T01:07:00.000+08:00

I turn 22.
and I guess I can't ask for anymore.
I should just be thankful I get to be alive yet another year.

but then again, I am not very much myself right now.
:(

Happy Birthday.
xx

#121. Think

2011-06-30T10:27:00.000+08:00

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.

To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

and I will be able to do anything to make it right for me, for you, for us.

#120. reminder

2011-06-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

Ridiculous how my post ends up in drafts or just deleted.

today, I don't feel to good and this serve as a reminder that i made it thru today.

and I'll make it thru any other day.

#119. my reason.

2011-06-15T20:26:00.000+08:00

He is not a drug to which I am addicted. He is not my heart nor my hemoglobin nor the oxygen it transports. He is not someone without whom I could not survive. However, I would certainly go thru withdrawals should he leave, have difficulties coaxing my broken heart to beat and be far less lively in the wake of his absence.

#118. you want it, here's it.

2011-06-14T11:05:00.000+08:00

I've had it with people thinking I can only be sad and not angry.
I can cry but not punch the wall.
I can do what a baby can but I can't do what adults can.

like people here, they throw tantrums like i am an idiot and i can't tell.
quiet people are not idiots.
They read you like a damn book because you talk too much, walk too much, everything else too much.
you make your own character easy for people to read.
don't judge me because you're so easy to read.

it is not my fault you're loud.

you're older than me, with more experience in life.
i respect that.
but if you want to throw tantrums like that.

be a baby.

Respect is meant to be earned not given.
I gave you my respect.

so where's mine?

#117. we run from ourselves.

2011-05-14T08:35:00.000+08:00

Its tiring to be happy when all you've been doing is fighting for happiness.
by this i mean literally fighting.

You've got your guards up, with no plans.

you just fight your way thru life with a a smile on your face, a pasted smile.
and when I look into your eyes I can see you're turning weary.
You're not tired honey, you're exhausted.

I wish I could help you, but you know you got to help yourself this time.
Happiness is in your hands darling.

Your turn will come soon, I promise.
Just hang on to every glimpse of hope.
Dont give up, continue your fight, you're doing amazing.

You're never alone, I am always here.

xx

#116. with you

2011-04-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

“I’m only okay
when the palm of your hand is
in the palm of mine.”

#115. I am human.

2011-04-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am doing all that I can to keep it right and to keep everything positive.

don't make it difficult for me.

#114. eat slowly.

2011-03-29T13:36:00.000+08:00

part 3/6

3. Eat slowly.

I like to eat slowly. A meal takes thirty minutes or sometimes an hour.

This is a helpful habit if your want to lose weight. Because it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full. That’s because the food has to reach the intestines before your body starts sending signals telling your brain that you feel full. By slowing down your eating your brain can stop you before you eat too much.

How to eat more slowly:

Eat before you get ridiculously hungry. If you’re really hungry it will be hard to eat slowly. The best way to avoid this is to not wait for too long but to eat when you feel just a little hungry. Or to have your meals at specified times during the day that you know from experience will be appropriate to avoid getting too hungry.

Put down your fork between the bites. Put down your fork and then chew. Then to pick up your fork again after you’ve swallowed, take another bite and repeat the process. I like this tip because it forces you to slow down.

Focus on the food and yourself. Not on what other people are doing. It’s easy to get drawn into someone else’s pace while eating (just like when driving or running). Be conscious of keeping your own pace instead of just unconsciously eating as fast as everyone around the table might do. Being aware of this challenge can help you. Being present throughout your meal can also be useful to keep a good pace and fully enjoy the food.

The rest of the article here:
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/04/13/how-to-lose-weight/

#113. First Sight

2011-03-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

I believe
in love at first sight
but
I will always believe
that the people
we love
we have loved before.
Many, many
many times before
and when we stumble
through grace
and circumstance and
that brilliant illusion of choice
to finally meet them again
we feel it faster
each time through.
The one glance
that set life alight
is two sets
of two eyes
staring through the layers
of lifetimes
and stolen glances
and first kisses
and hands held;
the brace against the
weight and unrelenting
tide of waiting.
I believe
in love at first sight
but am not burdened
with the misconception
that it’s a first sight
at all.

#112. Fingers.

2011-03-24T20:59:00.002+08:00

My pinky is for my best friend & our promises that will never be broken.

My ring finger is for him and proof that we'll be together forever.

My middle finger is for that girl who pushes me too far and to show her how I feel.

My pointer is to silence them, to savor the moment.

My thumb is for everyone, to let them know that,
I am going to be okay, no matter what.

#111. Hands

2011-03-24T15:29:00.001+08:00

There’s something special about hands.
I don’t know what or why or even where it comes from
but I could sit
stare
and watch hands move
and make and sooth
and create and tie
and wash and dry
and manufacture magic
out of the pure nothingness the air provides them
when they illustrate
the words
that float from your lips.
There are stories, so many stories
in the wrinkles of palms
and the tiny smiles where your thumb’s knuckle
decides to bend.
What will these hands say, when roughed and scarred
and wrinkled and slowly clenched closed?
What, when our bodies pull our fingers to a quiet fist
in a final act of defiance against the aging we are fighting,
will those stories be?
These hands will be cut and burned and blackened
with ash as we sift through
what we set fire to.
We are the remains
when the excuses have been burned down
and the colors of life will hide under
our fingernails.
We are these hands
tough but gentle and strong but soft.
We
like they
were made for building and holding
painting and writing
and drawing inkless art
on the canvas of bare skin.
Listen to the words my hands say
as they trace the lines of yours,
hear the whispers as they cartwheel
down your back.
These hands tell stories
and I’ll spend my life wondering
what your hands
tell my hands
when your fingers
find my fingers
and wrap tightly around.

#110. I am nocturnal!?!!?

2011-03-18T15:04:00.000+08:00

#109. anger

2011-03-17T17:15:00.000+08:00

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us, but hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

#108. Hiding my heart away.

2011-03-16T12:14:00.003+08:00

So this is how the story went
I met someone by accident
who blew me away
who blew me away

It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away

And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

I dropped you off at the train station
And put a kiss on top of your head
I watched you wave
I watched you wave
Then I went on home to my skyscrapers
Neon lights and waiting papers
That I call home
I call that home

And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
I'm sure you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

I woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain
And though I wish that you were here
But that same old road that brought me here
Is calling me home
Is calling me home

And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

And I can spend my whole life hiding my heart away

#107. I have bad days too

2011-03-16T10:38:00.002+08:00

“

And I will always appreciate bad days like this
Because they grant me a point of reference in regards to my happiness

And although I feel cold and empty one day
I hope I can feel warm and full
Stand with honor, and comfort, and dignity

”

—	Andrew Jackson Jihad

#106. date a girl who reads.

2011-02-07T13:45:00.002+08:00

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

#105. FML

2010-12-17T14:46:00.000+08:00

its tomorrow. how can they do this to meeee???!

#.104 ETC

2010-12-13T00:19:00.001+08:00

End of Thinking Capacity

Almost all the time. 4 sachets of coffee to keep me going tonight.
I am and always have been a PRO AT PROcrastinating.
especially when it comes to working. it was like that in school.
I spend hours staying awake, researching for the PERFECT idea/design or what have you.
but there is no perfect. I mean to please the clients or the hundreds or possibly thousands of people who has no fundamentals of design, I am talking about appreciating space in an artwork or possibly a fancy font that could kill my poor eyes. Of cause I handle criticism on a daily basis. Plus the clients can get ridiculous, but so far, I've had nice projects with minor amendments, it gets annoying but oh welll.

"Design criticism is about the design, not the designer ; its not personal"
-anon.

ps : *A global message for clients around the world who believe that a designer is a mere tool to execute their ugly ideas.

haha! This is funnnnaaaaay.

Design has taught me many things that I can apply in life too. The very little details in an artwork that nobody can ever see, how a design needs space, and they always say we see things differently idk how different, but maybe because its this little things that make a whole in a design. Like how little things in life that makes me happy and when you accumulate it and put it together, its a BIG thing. We're not eccentric people. Maybe studying in an artsy fartsy school forces one to view things differently. You all say think outside the box, we say, think like there's no box. There's when our imagination become limitless.

I am not the best designer. I am working very hard on improving my illustrations. I am always learning, i am always trying out new stuff. There is no end to designing or the art scene as a whole. I love how it never gets boring with designing stuff. There's always something to see. Something to appreciate. I am thankful for the job I have. It gets mundane but when there's a project, everything else picks up. :)

twentyten is coming to an end. I am going to make the best out of it.
Like how I've been trying too everyday. Make the best out of everyday.
I try la. Need to get rid of the laziness in me. There's so many things to do, so many things to discover.

December has been good.
& i hope everyone else's December is going well.

xx

#103. temporales

2010-11-28T21:09:00.001+08:00

temporal length of event or entity's existence.

Things are awkward at home. Uncomfortable actually. But I don't plan to live in that uncomfortableness. I shouldn't let things like that affect me because I cannot do anything to change you. It hurts, it can tear me and I can fall apart. But I've decided to get over it because I have incredible support from people who still care. plus I've built myself to be emotionally stronger. It takes two hands to clap, If you're not doing shit then I am tired of your crap. I bet you don't know the effect you have on me. You keep pushing me. Its almost like you don't want me around, you enjoy seeing me hurt, you want to see me fall apart, almost like you can't love me anymore. I hate guessing what is going in your mind. I am not david fucking blaine. even he can't read minds, he can only levitate -_- It is almost exhausting & after all these years. I try in every way to involve you. But everything I say, everything I do, to you its stupid and a waste of time. you always think I am rude when I try to tell you what's right. I am one who read in between the line or someone who maybe read too much into things, I AM SENSITIVE. you of all people should know better. Stop it already. Stop ridiculing me like that and putting me down and hurting me indirectly. you always thought i'd stop at there because I can't make it. You always thought I'd end up with a loser. I am here to prove to you otherwise. Everything I am now is hard work. Life is short M & I can't wait for you to change. I know i can't apologize and give in to you anymore. I have plans and unfortunate for you I guess, I have a life to live. You need time, take that time. just leave me and let me appreciate the things worth appreciating. not this crap. I dont want to go thru this motion.

-

Life is not only short, it is temporary.

Everyone says that life is short, but you’ll notice that they don’t immediately follow that statement with, “So rush through everything!” Instead, the brightest and wisest of people will encourage you, urge you rather, to slow down and appreciate all of life’s blessings. Though I don’t count myself among the brightest and the wisest, I do recognize the little influence I may have, and therefore I say: take your time. See everything for what it is right now, in this moment, for that is all that you are guaranteed. I am not saying abandon all plans and go with the flow. I get alot of crap saying, we know we're going to die anyway, why bother doing anything. we will all end up 6 feet under don't we? Why do we try so hard? Again, like my happiness, my faith has a big part in this.

Plan your tomorrows, but live in the now.
tomorrow will come, worrying won't change anything.
Live for the moment.

On a lighter note, I had awesome pawsome fun yesterday.
ForestAdventure & Harry Potter. :)
Thank you.♥

Happy happy girl.

xx

#102. haha. fakes la sei.

2010-11-26T20:53:00.000+08:00

YOU ARE NOT. haha. burnnnnnnnnn.
we all fakes la sei. :( mad sad.

you get my drift?

we need to go out more and see what the world has to offer.
now. now. now.

xx

#101. & that's how I roll. :D

2010-11-21T18:55:00.001+08:00

I don't have it all together - no one does. I have problems & I get overwhelmed. However, I spend more time happy than upset or frustrated.

cause I am crazy like that. :)
of cause its hard, and I try.
& that is how we're ALL suppose to live.
& nah uh you can't break me.
nope, not even with your silence and all that attitude going on.

Everyday I think about at least 5 things that I happy about.
for today, eg;

1. I am alive.
2. Its a non working day.
3. I am ecstatic about my fb stats.
4. Pay day is coming.
5. to know that I am loved.

Of cause the list CAN go on. I do get crazy and then get upset, but I always try to think about what I am given & what I already have. Its easier said than done. But its a choice. Its a want. I want this. I want to be happy. I always believe if you want it, you work for it. You find ways to make it work. and it will work.

& everyone's seeking happiness. the thing is you gotta pursue it. Work for it.
The year is coming to an end, & its never too late to make the best out of it. :)

they say, nobody can go back and make a new beginning,
but we can all make our own ending.

x

#100. happiness

2010-11-12T14:27:00.002+08:00

I make a point of appreciating every person, object, and experience in my life for what it is, and not for what it could be. I work hard, play harder, and I never, ever dwell on the negatives. If I come face-to-face with an enormous negative , I pray about it and figure out a way to turn it into a positive. When I am blessed, I recognize it. In that same vein, when I am shorted, I brush it off. I give second chances, and believe that people are inherently good and capable of change (though I never try to change others). I removed the word “bored” from my vocabulary, and rarely sit down. When I have down-time I write, draw, go for walks, spend time with people I love, watch movies, and i very much like to travel if I had an opportunity. For the record, organization can go a long way in reducing stress and increasing happiness. I do everything with a smile, because I find that it’s contagious. I have realized that honesty and modesty are always the best policies, and live accordingly. I have accepted that I am not perfect, that no one else is perfect, that laughing at myself may often be the only way to get through the day, that bad days are inevitable, and that any problem can be solved with a bit of critical thinking and creativity. I do not allow others to take me for granted or to walk all over me, and I refuse to treat anyone in that fashion. I always apologize and say thank you, because I think that good manners and proper etiquette should always be enforced. My faith goes a long way where my happiness and passion are concerned, but that is personal. Essentially, and to hell with cliches, I live my life to the fullest at all costs.

Its my 100th post, so i thought, it should be of something meaningful Its not exactly my 100th post. but its 100 post ago that i decided to restart EVERYTHING. myself, family, friends and lastly, falling in love. I'd like to post about THE "falling in love" not much of a falling though. I shall not ruin my special 100th post. till the next time.

xx,
you know I'm undeniably awesome.

ps: i am not dead, yet. I enjoy writing too much to stop blogging, been busy with work, friends, family and some other stuff that happened that I should thank God for. I cannot complain but I am happy. :)

#99. perfect, exactly how I feel.

2010-10-14T18:05:00.000+08:00

Mamihlapinatapis

from the Yaghan language of tierra del Fuego , is considered the world's most succinct word - and the hardest to translate.

"a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but that neither one wants to start"

idk. maybe its just me.

#98. when all is said and done.

2010-10-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should."

- anonymous.

Words unspoken and a story unread. Words that are still trying to escape my heart and reach out to you, words that don’t notice that time has past; words that still have meaning. & I am in every way growing colder. Love, an emotion, void of its meaning.

Maybe because I don't see things going my way and Insyallah I'll accept it and I believe God has plans for me and I know no matter where this will take me I will be okay. I am after all, a strong girl who knows how to keep her stuff in line despite people like people trying to convince me otherwise. :)

till then, I will be be waiting....

#97. because I love you, I always will.

2010-09-28T23:52:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST AMAZING DAD IN MY AMAZING WORLD.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I know cliche.
Everyone's dad is amazing to them in their own special ways.
However knowing how I was so damn difficult, My dad stuck thru and he never cease to tell me how beautiful I am in my own ways. Even in sweats and such. Telling me to never give up, to be brave. He never gave up on me. Not for a minute. I know. :) Despite all the heartaches and pissapointments. :) If i had it my way, everyday would be Daddy's day.

Here's a post to my dad.

Happy Birthday! & to many many more birthdays!
If you're reading this in the office, see you on friday and don't forget to get an automatic vehicle for me. :D
THANK YOU DAAAADEEEE!

with all the ♥ from deep within,
Liyana Oreth.

#96. you got that right.

2010-09-18T10:55:00.002+08:00

She deserves the attention and affection of a boy who would do anything for her. You’ll regret it. When partying is just another thing in your life, and you realize you miss the girl who shined for you, do her a favor, since you never really did before; don’t talk to her. Don’t look at her, don’t give her any idea that you care again. If you were dumb enough to leave her in the first place, she’s smart enough to never go back.

#95. because I have amazing friends ♥

2010-09-17T11:25:00.000+08:00

" Realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you stay alive. Because you are. And the pain that you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better , and that something is worth fighting for." - One Tree Hill.

You know that amazing feeling when you have this random message from someone unexpected. Someone who barely knows you and that person knows how you've hurt. That person doesn't know you at a personal level but you have this feeling that this one person wants too. And you can feel that this one person cares genuinely. And this one feeling makes me feel better all the time. This one message is from Renny. Its thru text or twitter but its this little things that i read and i know I am not alone, I never was.

I am a girl who keeps her stuff in line but shit happens all the time and when I feel like giving up, I reached out and thank god there is always someone.

Of cause Mr Nas was kind enough to company me for a night jog yesternight. Jogging at MY pace. It was good. a drink or 2 at al ameen. the rope story. I wouldn't go into the rope story, not today. Its mine to keep. :)

But thank you.

I have amazing support from friends & family.

I, Liyana Oreth can never ask for more. I gotta learn to let go of the past, forgive, forget the whole damn thing and move on. I shall not live in misery.

& HELLO TNP. :)

xx,
me.

#94. Eid Mubarak.

2010-09-10T22:16:00.001+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya dear readers.

Pictures will be up on multiply as soon as I can sort all the 545479267 pictures I have from jan -aug. exaggeration.

I randomly checked my email and came across today's horoscope. Which is exactly what I am feeling today.

"You may be experiencing some raw emotions today, liyana oreth, which you should use as your ally instead of your enemy. Your heart may feel as if it is rubbing against sandpaper, so do what you can to smooth things out and gently care for it at. Be careful of letting others get too close if they simply don't now how to act around something so fragile and pure. Maintain a level of protection for yourself."

waaaa. scary much. I've gotta go to work tomorrow. shiats.
later heartbreakers.

xoxo.

#93. one of those post.

2010-09-05T22:27:00.002+08:00

What I have here is only a part of what I think I can share.
And I hate to know that I am being judged by what I have here and what I have shared the past few years with you. good or bad. My anonymous readers, my friends and family.

I am sorry I haven't been really open. or if i get anyone confused with my contents.
Its just nobody hangs their dirty linens in public, Nobody.
So its a bit of this and that and mostly I-am-too-mad-at-everything-else post because shit just happens.
I do not have split personality but sometimes, when you get too upset with something or at least for me, the world, but at the same time you don't want to bring that angst around, you put up a brave front. You try to think positive, you live life positive, hoping that act would somehow turn to reality and it will be more of a habit then just a charade. This blog is written by me. It is me here and when you see me in reality it is the same person. I just don't want to appear like this weak being who can't keep her stuff in line. Nothing stays forever anyway, happiness will pass, so will sadness. I cannot cry because I think my tear ducts are dry. So its just this face. This lost face I have with me to tell you that I am not okay. I'd like if nobody asked why because it doesn't matter, like everything it will pass and there is nothing that I cannot handle.

What doesn't kill will only make me stronger.

Of cause I welcome september with open arms just like any other months and years.
Every time its different of cause, Every new month I'd set my own goals, and god willing I'd be able to work something out and actually achieve it. I don't dream big. I just try to figure out what i want in life and try to work towards it.

I am trying to make something out of my life here. I realize life's too short and time I realize, waits for no man. This is a reminder that we are weak and that we will die one day. memento mori.

I'd try to do things right & do what needs to be done.
there is no point in holding back. There is no point in waiting.
Things happen not to us, but for us.
If we don't work, nothing is going to happen for us.

I know I am never alone. I always have this companion that will NEVER leave. That I will always keep in mind. People come and go. But I know what I believe in is always always there. Always clear, always the truth. I have nothing to lose. If that is the only truth. Then thank God.

I've been busy and mad tired. Raya in 4 days time.
Idk, I am just not in that raya mood.

till my next entry.

♥,
Liyana.

#92. you say luck, I say fate.

2010-09-03T21:18:00.000+08:00

"Chance is the first step you take, luck is what comes afterward"

#91. Lailatul Qadr ♥

2010-08-31T21:30:00.002+08:00

August surprised me. It amazed me.
Thank you everyone who made my august and thank you to those who tried breaking it.

Today marks the last day of August and the last 10 days of Ramadan.
Lailatul Qadr.

I had the most amazing birthday.
(oh and i've officially graduated, grad show pics in another post)
I'd like to thank my family and friends for making it happened.
Unexpected and I was definitely made the happiest girl that night.
I can never ask for more.
Pictures.

Friday night.
Fried rice paradise with Nas. Thank you for that and the bookmark :)

came saturday, the unexpected. :)
cupcakes baked by sissy.

♥

Pooooolaaroids!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Lastly, family.

♥

I can never thank everyone enough. I appreciate everything I have and this space will NEVER be enough to show my appreciation. I love my family and friends.

The friends & family I have.
The friends & family I have found.
The friends & family I will always love.

With all the ♥ from deep within,
Liyana Oreth.

ps: now now september, I wonder what do you have in store for me.

#90. wait & see.

2010-08-26T20:45:00.002+08:00

COME ON AUGUST, SURPRISE ME LIKE I'VE SURPRISED YOU.
MAKE MY MONTH.

I dont want to be doing things without thinking. Everything has its reason and I know I have my reasons for doing what I've been doing or did. You can get mad, one day you'll realize why did I do what I did. I hope that one day comes soon because we don't get to live forever and He can take anyone of us away at anytime. Stop it with the silence and wake up.

One day, I am going to gather up all the pain i've ever experienced and I am going to make something absolutely amazing out of it.

JUST WAIT AND SEE.

#89. an emotional wreck

2010-08-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

That I am, an emotional wreck.
It feel like I am going through a series of rollercoaster ride that has no stop or pauses.
It goes on. It makes me want to literally puke at times.
It gets tiring, the ups, the downs and the sudden brakes.

But I've been surviving and very much alive.
I am not too happy, I am not too sad either, sadly, it is indifference.
I feel nothing. It has numb me.
No i am not feeling-less or emotionless.
I am just tired. A lot of things happened.
I don't know where to start.
But i believe very much everything happens for a reason.
All the heartaches, heartbreaks, the sad lies, the bitter truth, all happens for a reason.
I believe that what Allah has put me through He will see me through it.
& what doesn't kill will only make me stronger.
It is after all the month of ramadan, test after test after test.

It is how i make my own happiness and if Allah wills it, I will be happy.
I will put in every ounce of strength I have to do what's right.
I need to do this.

after all it is August. I have to make it good while it last.
I am not hoping it will be awesome or fantastic.
I just really hope it won't be bad.

sigh. I don't know. I am just saying.
I am emotionally messed up now.
I am fine. I just want to be better.

Come visit me in my dreams tonight, I am happier there.
even if it means free falling.

ps: nas & jx: you both are crazy & i'd like to know the tamil one too. haha! :)

#88. push-ed.

2010-08-09T21:04:00.000+08:00

“A few days ago, I realized how nice I really am. I allow people to push me around, affect my way of thinking and my beliefs. I was so nice, to the point, that I save people’s fucking ass from being burnt. I put people in front of me. I woke up to a reality and found myself left behind while the people that I helped merely walked away from me without an expression of gratitude. I asked myself if I really want to carry on being like this.. I am not being anyone else but myself. I don’t get it, why do self-absorbed people exists, walked into my life, rip me of for their own bloody benefits and walked away like it didn’t leave a deep scar on me. I don’t want to be with these kinda people. If your traits are what I’ve said before. Please get away from me.”

#87. tears.

2010-08-08T10:39:00.000+08:00

I am done.

#86. stronger everyday.

2010-08-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

She's getting stronger, you know, since you didn't push her away. No, you threw her away. She's learned. You aren't the only thing she talks about anymore, she laughs a little more, and I can see ? That glow inside her begin to flicker again. She's picking herself up and she's getting stronger and immune to you everyday.

#85. only one I have left.

2010-07-26T19:57:00.002+08:00

What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn’t just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them perfect, and we couldn’t expect them to be. You can’t make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it.

- anon.

#84. I do.

2010-07-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

He knows my limits. I guess he knows I'll get thru this.
I just have to be really patient and wait.
In the mean time, I have time for myself.
and if its ever meant to be... we'll see.
I'll know.
Family. Work & whoever I'll end up with.

“When God takes someone away,
he is making space for someone better.
Do you have the patience?"
- Renny Rahman.

#83. only maybe.

2010-07-18T13:44:00.003+08:00

#82. my escape.

2010-07-07T20:48:00.003+08:00

It explains everything doesn't it?
The only thing I am keeping myself busy with, work.

It's temporary, before I move on to another job, or god's willing if all else goes thru, one trip away from here for a bit.

Relationships, I remember how I had to be in one. Got in and out in and out in and out. It annoys me. Because I don't know what in fishing's name am I settling for. I'd always think, yes this is someone who'd take care of me and someone I want to be with. Of cause like all good things, it MUST come to an end. Sad. Yes, but I'll move on. I am not denying that I am living everyday hoping that I can live in the past for a few days and make things right and at the same time, moving forward to start something new. A step back, 2 steps forward. and it goes on. I am not daydreaming. Neither am I pinning high hopes on happily ever after. I know what I want to do, what I need to do. that's that. And I am actually doing it, I am praying everything will go as planned. Insya'allah.

I've had a couple of good fridays night out with a couple of friends. I see how my parents trust me with me going back on my own, and even though i come back slightly later, they'd understand. Friday night is all I have since I am working. I can never thank my parents enough for being around. Through everything. :( EVERYTHING.

ANYHOOOS, this my dear readers, is one of my escape.
meet the CUSes.
Love em'!!!

I heart my CUSes. :)

and i miss my gumbuddies meet up soon please!

xxx,
Liyana. :)

#81. sleep.

2010-06-26T19:12:00.003+08:00

I use to remember being angry at everything.
I use to be upset over the slightest thing.
I use to cry a whole load.

& the worst part is, i never knew how to handle.

now, it hurts so bad,
i can't cry, I freaking sleep it off.
I tire myself everyday after work so I can sleep. :(

AND it gets better.

I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT OR HOW TO FEEL FOR ANYTHING.
Thank god at work, for 8 hours for 5 days, all I have to be is, happy.
Please do not annoy me. Thank you very very nice.

#80. someday.

2010-06-22T20:02:00.000+08:00

"I have a lot of problems in my life that I don’t like talking about. I’m a complicated person and no one realizes that. People look at me and judge me but that’s okay they don’t know me. I honestly feel alone in the world, like no one understands me, but I hope that one day maybe, just maybe someone will. The world is a crude and horrible place that we live in and I’m starting to realize that now. I’m starting to realize who’s going to be there for me and who’s not. Meeting new people is making a difference in my life, for the better, hopefully. I see more and more people hurting me each day. From the things they say to the actions they take, there breaking me down, slowly."

- Anonymous

Everybody has problems, nothing is complicated. people make it difficult and complicated. oh well.

Patience and sincerity. *chants a million times.

:( less then half a year to go.

#79. don't even start.

2010-06-21T19:13:00.002+08:00

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery—isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”

— Charles Bukowski

#78. Loneliness

2010-06-15T20:39:00.000+08:00

Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want.

- White Oleander

Idk who is Mr White ( I am assuming he is a he) but he is right. I've been either running away from it or TRY to make it go away (wthefuck?) I never tried embracing it. Even after reading "eat, pray love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. She said something about loneliness too.

I shalt quote,
"Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

Idk, Its difficult to deal with it. Sometimes I just refuse too. But once in awhile I'd think it is OKAY to be alone, to feel alone. It gives me time to myself. All to myself. I'd like to sit somewhere and people-watch. Read a darn good book, music and people watch. Of cause it'd be awesome-r to have someone.

TODAY I CAME HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE. NO SISTER, NO MOTHER, NOT EVEN MY BROTHER. MAD SAD. Sadness seriously took over. I tried to sleep. I lie down for 5 mins and told myself to get out and RUN. I did. I did an awesome run from my place to the checkpoint and back home.

point is, I have to learn to be alone. and I'd like if my parents let me be do things on my own. Considering I am turning 21. I have always had things easy, really. Daddy, buy me this, daddy buy me that. Daddy comb my hair, daddy massage my knee, daddy my back hurts, daddy buy a dvd. daddy send me to school, daddy send me to work, daddy pick me up from town, daddy pick me up from my outing. daddy i am stuck in the rain, help me. daddy, i am sick, buy me medicine. daddy, even had to handle MY problems. :( mad sad. what? I didn't just realize this okay. shut up.

oh liyana. shut up. go do things on your own. now.

#77. don't forget to breathe.

2010-06-14T20:46:00.001+08:00

Its not like I ran out of titles or this is some random post cause I have nothing to do & I am bored. In fact, I am suppose to be scanning 50 over pages for my sister because I am nice. Too nice for my own good perhaps but I only have one sister, so yeps, anything for the one and only. (everybody goes awww) hah!

Back to title. Yes, sometimes, I have to say this in my head "breathe honey, breathe" IN MY HEAD. Funny? Not. Its so busy in my head, that I, sometimes, forget the essential, breathing. bimbo much. (seriously, shut up) I've been distracted lately, I swear, ( I am not much into swearing but...) last weekend I took my medication ENTHUSIASTICALLY so that I can sleep 3 times a day. Body's tired as hell, mind's not functioning properly, something happened. seriously, i am happy and sad at the same time. I sound crazy. sooo crazy that it became real for awhile. Then I told myself BREATHE. Got myself to join the family for a good movie at home, had a good dinner and got myself together.

I am okay. I guess I haven't been keeping myself occupied, come tomorrow I know I'll be busy. I hope work doesn't drive me crazy. Oh well, at some point, we got to do things we don't want to do and depending on situation, it FORCES us to grow up.

Thank you vehhh vehh naisee to people who has managed to keep me sane.
thru text, verbally, tweets, etcetera etcetera. You know who you are.
And I promise to remember you, no matter where I am, who I am with and who I've become.

& remember, breathe.
xx

ps/ my cake date on wedesday <3

#76. Attitude

2010-06-09T11:48:00.001+08:00

Everyday is a decision.
-we have to wake up every morning to make the conscious choice not to die.

I am always thinking about dying. and whine about how suck-y life is because it is not going my way. I refuse to be positive I refuse to see how things can get any better. I REFUSE. Because people don't understand and they don't see it they way i do. No i am not about to tell you. HAHA. but, i've decided to TRY to accept the way things are, be thankful for what i have and work for what I don't.

And if you're wondering if this is an overnight thing, KMA.
I don't know how long this will last but I am going to try because it is what I want.
It is so much easier to do what i want.

My bestie is coming in a while. I swear I miss her like crazy.
I miss my homegirls too.
I miss K.

Next week will be filled and i can't wait for next week.
I need to recover from this sickness. NEED.
job hunting is blearrrghhh. I'll be okay.
I will find it. I know I will.

you'll watch me grow, better and stronger. promise.

just so you know;

xoxo,
me.

#75. I AM

2010-06-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

I AM SICK.

I AM BORED.

I AM JOBLESS.

I AM MISSING YOU.

I HATE THIS COUGH TTM.

I HATE THAT THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

(not even laundry to iron?!)

FACEBOOK IS GETTING SHITTIER.

THERE'S NOTHING ON TUMBLR.

THERE'S NOTHING ON TEEVEE.

DIE AH. DIE.

I WANT TO GET WELL PRONTO.

I AM BORED LA FUCK. BOREDDDDDDDDD.

#74. I gotta try.

2010-06-03T15:01:00.001+08:00

A doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful including what is ugly.

#73. hello life, I am alive.

2010-06-03T00:50:00.002+08:00

I am trying. trying trying.

#72. Count my blessings.

2010-05-31T01:50:00.001+08:00

I've been sick.
At times, I feel like I'd cough my internal organs anytime soon. Hahaha. creepy.

Thank you family for nursing me. Especially daddy and Sissy. :) I was sleeping the whole saturday. With constant check from the parents. Daddy toasted pop tarts for me when I was hungry. I feel loved when the parents tucked me in. :') yes, I am of that age where I should be able to take care of myself. But I don't get sick all the time. so its okaay.

The body is taking longer time than usual to recover from this minor cough. Its been 2 weeks? Too long aye. sigh. With the headache. But I'll survive this and be well soon enough.

Things haven't been exactly awesome for me. But I can't complain really. Its time I give thanks to whatever I have and pray for a way to make it better.

Next up, to let go of the past and keep moving forward, without getting hurt.

#71. untitled

2010-05-25T13:43:00.002+08:00

"Your mother and i wants the best for all of you. When you're hurt, we're hurt. When you're happy, we're happy. When you do well the oreth family does well. Remember: everything comes from Allah and as in all things you have to put in effort to enjoy Allah's reward be in this world or in the hereafter. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS."

This was 2007. A text message from daddy dearest. If I am not wrong, it was because of the stupid ex. I find this comforting. very comforting. Thank you for never giving up on me after all the heartaches and heartbreaks. I promise to be better.

#70 :(

2010-05-19T20:35:00.000+08:00

Nobody knows. nobody knows.
and I'll leave it at that. I just need one to know.
and He knows.

I know what I want and I want to do it that way.
I want to work for my wants. my needs and everything else.
I am not asking for anything.
I can be responsible. I can do things right.
I just wish people won't put me down because I can do that myself.
sigh. :(
I only have one life to live, I'd very much like to be happy.
Happiness is a choice and I seek for it, I make my own happiness.

I'll stop at that.

for starters, I need to stop multi-tasking.

#69 if you let me.

2010-05-19T10:58:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wish i could write or say what I want without anyone asking me why, who what.
or telling me anything else. :(

I feel sad almost all the time thinking why am I this way and why things are like that.
and i'd force myself to reason with whatever that's going in my head and tell myself its okay that it is that way.
and i know at the end of everyday, it is not.

it is not okay.
i am not okay.
please please, its not anyone else, it is me. hahaha.
(its the, "its not you, its me" line) -__-

sigh. idk. I just wish I could do more with no restrictions.
I wish I could go where I want to.
sigh. wishing is not going to get me anything though.

and there's only one thing left to wish for...

#68. not like that

2010-05-11T16:26:00.000+08:00

I will be busy this week and week after.
Yes, its not over, over. I still have grad show to settle.
Followed by my online portfolio(which is super brief) and my personal portfolio.
I am super stressed, but of cause nobody can tell, i just sleep my stress away.
Or i sit myself down and pray.

There's nothing that I can't handle and I know that God won't give me anything I can't handle.
If He puts me thru it, I believe He will see me thru it. Either way, I believe I am never alone.
All this talk about loneliness and hating on people for so many years, its over.
I am tired and I do not have the time to waste on such emotions.
Things will get worse before they get better right? or so they say.
I am still waiting on it.

I can't wait for so many things to happen.
this and that. with him, with her. :)
Its time, I decide things for myself.

With all the love from deep within,
Liyana.

#67. it marks the beginning.

2010-05-09T12:33:00.000+08:00

Thursday(May 6th 2010) marks my FINAL presentation in nafa, which also marks the BEGINNING of something new.
Yes, work. So reality has arrived and i honestly am beginning to worry like crazy.
What's the point of worrying. idfk. seriously. I am just worried over this and that.
and him and her. and god knows what else that comes thru my mind.
IT FRUSTRATES ME ALL THE TIME.
whatever.
As i prepare my resume and portfolio for upcoming interviews.
It scares me at times, but at the same time i am excited.
With people like family and fantabulous friends around, I am ready.
I am ever ready.

for readers of liyoreth.bs.com
old or new. especially strangers.

1. Please read what i have on the right hand side,it is not there for fun. It is facts.
if you're lazy, here it is in bold:

Whatever opinion you form of me, or my life as a whole,

is probably best kept to yourself.

This is a personal blog written, edited and reflects the personal view

of me in my individual capacity.

2. What you read here are not lies but they are not the whole truth. I do not air my dirty linens in public. Nobody does.
3. I have no intention whatsoever to humiliate or disgrace anyone in this blog. liyoreth.bs.com is about my personal thoughts.
4. I understand this is a public domain, but you chose to read about my life and if it bothers you, please, leave.
5. Speaking of which, this is my life, my friends,my family, if you do not like any of them, you should leave this site too.
6. why dont I privatize my blog you ask? 2 reasons. Nuffnang and i enjoy writing. I am a quiet person, my thoughts are here. it is me. all me.
7. liyoreth.bs.com is by Liyana Oreth, for everyone she cares about who wants to be in the know of how she feels and how she is doing. Liyana Oreth is real in every aspect of this blog. I'd like if whatever I have here, remains here. Do not take it as your own or re-edit and make it your own.
8. You can read whatever I have here, but if you want to know how i really feel. ASK. thank you very nice.

love,
Liyana.
xoxo.

#66. tired as hell but happy.

2010-03-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

Its a been a crazy 5 days 4 nights.
1st school was Bukit view sec followed by Assumption English.
It wasn't too good, because I was half pissed with both of my groups.
Which was kinda sad. Of cause things got better on the 2nd day.
& of cause with awesome awesome camp mates, i cannot complain can't I?

I am tired. Everyone says I look shagged. I am. BUT i am all ready for next week's camp. :)

world, I am happy in camp. :)

& I miss you two of cause, I only hope you girls have been doing fine.

yes, we are in the same school, in an arts school and look at how they drew me. -_- I am so disappointed. Because I KNOW i have hair on my head. at least draw on strand lei. haha! BUT this definitely made me smile. After 3 months of tolerating my depression and sadness, please do know if you two need anyone, I am here. For always.

love,
your one and only,
LEEEEEEEyaNANANA. :)

2 more camps next weeeek!
camps FTW! I got a feeling it'll be awesomeeee oiii! :)

G DOUBLE O D J O B! good job *clap clap* good job *clap clap* :D

#65. as i ready myself.

2010-02-28T16:26:00.000+08:00

Seeking solitude through the point which pierces her skin
The pain nothing like living her life day out day in
No longer does she seek for help nor does she want it
There gets a time where most things become pointless

There are no more battles between her heart and mind
For them both have decided on the same thing this time
Packs her belongings as she prepares to leave
Takes her own life without any fears

#64. 2:11am

2010-02-28T02:18:00.003+08:00

was good. for me at least. And shisha last night wasn't that bad.

2 camps next week. I am sure it will be tiring but all worth it.

ps: I am stIll waiting for you to talk to me and tell me you're sorry. You lied. I dont hope for anything anymore. Just know, I miss you. and it hurts that i still do. :'( cause you dont.

#63. untitled

2010-02-25T01:22:00.000+08:00

I am deprived of sleep and i know why.

I AM THINKING.
about God knows what. probably everything that I can think of.
I promise, I've never seen myself this way.
I work myself to sleep. I work till I am tired. I don't care what I am doing as long as I am working.
Its becoming a sick habit.

I just can't sleep, or dont want too sleep?
I just want to be doing something. anything.

& it gets worse because when I am alone, I am very awake. WIDE AWAKE.
These voices in my head. It wont stop talking to me.
go away, please, just give me a day.
come back some other time.

I AM EXHAUSTED.
really :'(

ps: despite everything, this little part of me wishes you the very very best. don't get hurt. imysm.

#62. we are all the same, making us different

2010-02-24T02:31:00.000+08:00

Nobody, NOBODY can say they are any different from anyone else.
we're not so different, you & I.

DO NOT TELL ME YOU'RE DIFFERENT. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A GUY WITH A DICK. GAYS NO EXCEPTION. YOU STILL BREATHE THE SAME AIR. THINK THE SAME THINGS. WE ALL READ THE SAME DICTIONARY.GO THRU ALMOST THE SAME SHIT. WE ARE ALL NOT VERY NICE. BUT ITS NOT NICE TO USE PEOPLE. we all know that.

Its funny when anyone who says:

"I am nice, but not too people who are not."
DUH. I mean, would you like be nice to your enemies?
unless she/he is your frenemy? omfg. i have no idea wth is that. really.

Everyone's nice. Depends on motive really.
Some are really nice, some are just looking for something else. can't tell really.
Since we are all pretentious lying creatures.
I mean seriously. Unless you really know them.
they are lying. almost all the time.

WE ARE ALL LIARS. especially to ourselves.
we pretend to be happy.
we pretend to like someone.
we pretend to be nice.

I mean I try to be honest, all the time, but when it comes to feelings.
its kinda difficult don't you think? I mean i think i've done pretty well. HAHA.
I mean, i dont want to sound PATHETIC or even make it sound like i am looking for SYMPATHY. -_- but yes, things haven't been looking pretty and I don't want the people i love to worry, and I've been nothing but crazily, happy. :)

Of cause I've been occupying myself with school work. I've got motivation! Which is, too not be upset thinking of dot dot dot. and of cause I've been planning for my what-the-eff-will-i-be-doing-after-grad. I am excited and scared at the same time but mostly excited.

OH SHIT. with a delighted face :)

school tomorrow.
its 2.30 in the fucking morning.
goodness.

#61. happy treats.

2010-02-21T19:10:00.000+08:00

I was always always always drooling over rainbow cakes on my lappy.
I showed my mum rainbow cakes.
she said " EASY AH"
i was like yahhh right.
I've always wanted to bake it, but i've got no time.
really.

SO WHILE I WAS SLEEEEPING,MY MOMMA & SISSY BAKED A CAKE!
Now I am doing my work with coffee made my sissy and awesome cakee!
WHICH TASTE AWESOME OI!

Yes, I am turning 21 and still using a barney cup, you got a problem with that? I've had that for yearss!
Birthday present. :D Love the cakeee. One day, i'll bake and it WILL look like this:

OR A PRETTY CUPCAKE

okay. it feels like i am constantly blogging. something for you people to ready anywayss.
<3

#60. This love, I'll never let go.

2010-02-21T17:37:00.001+08:00

my fb status : battle scars, pirate ships & wounded hearts.

a reply that made me tear:

I fight e battle with you, i drown the ships and i will mend back your broken heart

Thank you Huihui, you always know what to say, and you've always been around.

When I was crying, when I was lost, when i didn't know what to say. You distract my negative thoughts. You take me away temporarily. You take me away from sadness, unhappiness, and that point of time, with you two around, he was made invisible. I always thought I needed another guy to stick around. I don't. All I needed was, God & you two.

& of cause my family who's been encouraging.

& the one and only man who'll look me in the eye and tell me I am beautiful.

My pillar of strength, the reason why i want to do well.

The reason why I see you're an asshole.

My dad.

God made me see what a jerk he was and how i was being lied too and how my feelings was being tugged.

You two just made me see love. :)

I can never thank you two enough. I love you girls till the end. promise.

:')

What doesn't kill makes me stronger, yes?
I know You'll be with me thru this, i am stronger now :)
not happier but yes, stronger.

#59. we decide.

2010-02-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

Happiness takes forever to happen and a second to disappear.
pathetic? looking for sympathy? do i look like i am getting any?
sigh. for 2 months, you made me feel there was something wrong with me.
like i dont have any issue on my own. I dont have any right to be mad?

I like the attention? do you see me getting any?
NO.

empty words. empty.
But i saw what i saw and its real.

If that is nice, thank you.
no wonder it feels like there's less nice people. -_-
because i've been meeting all the wrong ones.
I actually just let a total stranger call me a whore like i've been sleeping around. -_-
(no i haven't forgot that effing incident where you just kept quiet)

and yes, i've grown up. I think better. and the older you are, it does not mean you're wiser, it just means, you're older. I should stop. I am acting foolish. very. i should be ashamed of myself. tsk tsk liyana.

& you do not lick what you spit. DO NOT.

#58. where does this goes?

2010-02-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

Nothing hurts me more than being lied to and knowing that I’m being lied to. Just saying.

#57. to us.

2010-02-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

I'll make it thru & I really wish you the best.
goodbye :'(

#56. a boy i met, a boy i promise to break.

2010-02-18T18:55:00.001+08:00

I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of heartaches. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling inadequate and helpless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of how insecured I am. I’m tired of how my emotion flies around like a rollarcoaster ride. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of dramas. I’m tired of the world. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming a life I know I will never have. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of people walking out of my life. I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of empty promises. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of wishing things could start all over again. I’m tired of being not ok. I’m tired wondering when I’m going to be happy.

I’m tired of being tired.

This is really straining me, I could hardly breathe.

(edited)
& I've never talked about this boy.
& I hope he reads this. and he already did.
I was angry and still is. but it was not right for me to be that way.
and i am of cause, way wayyy civilize then that.
I feel sorry for myself for being that way, for someone like that?
I can hear in my head what my baby girls would say.
I know it would definitely send a smile on my face

4 CAMPS THIS COMING MARCH.
OMGEEEE, I'am gonna pee in my pants.

kay bye.

#55. I will.

2010-02-17T23:35:00.002+08:00

“I, WILL, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later”

#54. the end

2010-02-17T00:23:00.000+08:00

it feels like the end.

fin.

#53. stage 1.

2010-02-10T14:09:00.000+08:00

first a big ass picture of me and my 2 beechesss.
(thank you anyi for taking the picture)

We stayed in school from 3- 8 for presentation.
just waiting and waiting. and waiting.
After was an impromptu we-need-to-chillz kind of mood.
I love you 2, to the moon and back, forever and everrrr. :)

oh welll. i am tired as hell. not feeling too good.
nose bleed at 4 am. i am really falling apart.

I will get over this crazy phase. I promise.

#52. why advertising

2010-02-07T22:46:00.001+08:00

Its simplicity yet creative idea of an ad.
I could honestly tell it was mcdonalds. could you?

ohwell. Fyp presentation on tuesday, stage 1. I should be psyched.
but i am not, plus, i think i am sick.
sigh.

#51. I sold my life too...

2010-02-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

#50. I wish we gave it one more try.

2010-02-06T11:26:00.002+08:00

HUU IS SO BOOMZ. haha.
he has pronunciation problems but but he sings goood.
Yuxuan is madly in love with him and is sad that he has a gf. but she's a BIG girl and will get over it.
Before i shower and start on my proposal. Here's my fav.
pause my blog song first? :)

but i wish you the best, i guess.

#49. okay, i'll wait.

2010-02-04T21:07:00.002+08:00

“Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweat and a t-shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. and most of all wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong.”

&things been really crazy if you know what i mean. I am so exhausted, i can't cry. No tears can form now. For one, fyp has definitely take half my time. Then the rest comes. I haven't slept. I take naps in the living room and wake up to do my work. I do procrastinate a little, can't help it ah. youtube, facebook, storybook.
haha.

i love you all.
you don't know, but yes i do :)

#48. sleep deprivation

2010-02-03T06:02:00.000+08:00

I've got less then a week before assessments. I've got 1 more poster mock up and a brochure to complete by tomorrow. I feel like i haven't slept for days. omfg. I eat one blady meal a day because i have no appetite. I feel sad at night, sometimes i cry myself to sleep. wtf.

I FEEL EXHAUSTED. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM FEELING OTHER THEN ALL THOSE SAD EMOTIONS PUT TOGETHER. I AM AS TIRED AS HELL. SOMETIMES, I FIGHT SLEEP. I HOPE I SURVIVE FEBRUARY.

ugh. school. in another 9 hours and i am not asleeeep?!@#!@$!@$!@%

ps: and you sleep so nicely as i wait for your text. ALWAYS waiting on somebody aye liy? you full of shit homie. full of shit. GTH you MF.

#47. come february

2010-01-31T15:33:00.000+08:00

Movies I want to and WILL watch, even if it means watching it alone.

IDC.

Dear John is a must watch after reading the awesome awesome book.

Next up would be last song. :)

I've been reading, like as though books can speak to me. I feel companied with book.

I don't feel alone with books.

I love books. I'll never understand what i have with books but I NEVER want to let it go.

books, i am, forever and ever yours.

& i booked myself for 2 camps end of feb. I hope they call me.

fingers crossed.

I've got a brochure and 2 posters to come out with this coming thursday on illustrator.

WAAAYYY TO GO. and my ideas got rejected like he's so cool like that.

fuck.

ohwell at least it keeps me occupied.

FEBRUARYYYY ALREADY? yay!

11 more months.

334 days to....

THE END OF 2010.

HAHA.

#46. Dear Liyana,

2010-01-28T00:18:00.001+08:00

"Promise yourself to be strong, that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make optimism come true. Think of only the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you’re true to the best that is in you."

#45. just to see you happy

2010-01-24T19:49:00.001+08:00

Just because she comes off strong,

doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying.

and even though she acts like nothing's wrong,

maybe she's just really good at lying.

for my friends, my family and you

& i'll keep you close, always, promise.

#44. forever and ever.

2010-01-23T22:46:00.001+08:00

I promise to love whoever I have now and never let them go.
I will love you two, forever and ever.
to the moon and back or till the end of time. :)

I loveeeee chilling session. love love love.
but yesternight was a little depressing. hmmmm.
happy people and cards next time please. one pot each!
omg. after the first stage probably but can I wait?
:( i feel so sad.

met my camp friends on tuesday.
Fez and Janaine + Yeyeng, had lunch then headed down to youth park to chill.
another chilling session. Fez tried to teach me how to play the guitar.
OMG. painful. hah! ohweellll.
Camwhored a little.

too many many more.
now i gotttaaa start sketching.
creativity. concept. creativity. concept.
die. no? okay. fine.
:(

through all this.
I still find myself thinking of you.
fuck.

#43. don't love.

2010-01-21T18:00:00.000+08:00

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will be unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

- C.S. Lewis.

#42. I will be really happy. one day.

2010-01-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

#41. on my own.

2010-01-17T17:08:00.001+08:00

Dear Liyana,

I am here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I'll stay with you. I'll love you thru whatever. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after my death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

Love,
Liyana.

#40. i need to breathe, not hyperventilate.

2010-01-15T13:55:00.000+08:00

I want to do camps very badly, but i know i can't.
Anyway, i meant to put this picture up, before shit happened.
Its funny how that 3 days 2 nights has made me a happy person than i am here.
:( sad but true.

Verryyy adorable girls. chij sjc <3
too many many more camps. :)

Yesternight was one of my bestest night in 2010. (considering i had to be sad for God know what stupid reason)
Thank you Huihui and Yuxuan for always being around, thru whatever.
Its been a good 3 years, too many more!
I love you 2 long long time.

promise.

Schools' crazy already. We've got the dates to our 3 different stages of fyp.

Stage 1 : 8th Feb
Stage 2 : 22nd March
Final Stage : 3rd May

I am still sane. I just gotta start NAO.

The harder you try to forget something, the more you think about it unconsciously.

So I'll,

easy? nah uh.

#39. Whatever that's left.

2010-01-11T09:43:00.001+08:00

This time I'll heal faster. This time I won't let myself get hurt for too long. I hate what's happening.
Nothing big happened, I just wish we wouldn't have gotten so close. Because;

what hurts the most, was being so close.
and having so much to say, and watching you walk away.
and never knowing what could have been.

I'll walk away with the hurt, tomorrow will be better.
School's in. I can't wait, for all this to be over.

Now 2010 is here, I can't wait for it to be over.
Please, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

please.

#38. i want to leave.

2010-01-10T15:20:00.000+08:00

You break my 2010.

I hate you.

#37. we second guess

2010-01-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep and I do not want to do anything about it. I used to force myself to sleep, God knows why. From pills for healthy sleep patterns and my trusty body shop body mist. I don't feel all that tonight. I feel like staying awake and think about the rest of my life like I am old. -_-

2010 came just like that. I anticipate 2010 for the longest time because 2009 wasn't that good, but 2009 made me a stronger person. I understand now, why me. Its because He knows I am strong enough to overcome it and that I will come out from all of this alive. The weak didn't get to go through what I did because if they were to go through it they'll die. hah! I am not saying I went through ALL THAT, but it was my "trying" year. This year, I'll come out stronger. This 2010, changes will inevitably happen, as such:

1) I am graduating this year.
2) I will be meeting the real world.
3) I will be working FULL TIME.
4) THIS IS FUCKING REAL.

I do not have any new year resolutions. I just want to be happy. (or happier) considering that i am slowly recovering from my pessimist-ism and such. I'll try to not get hurt because it suck. Having to do a do-over. I am too tired and too busy for such stuff. My dad would say boys can wait, I'll know when its time, and only I will know when its time. well, everything is most definitely in God's mighty hands. Every year its the same old shit. boys who hurt. boys who don't understand. that. same old shit. same. and trust me, IT IS THE SHITTIEST. I wasn't strong and I let it come to me. I always thought i needed a guy to be there. I always thought I needed to be in a relationship to feel wanted. In fact, I don't, all i ever needed was for me to love myself enough. Everything else will fall into place.

I promise myself, not to hurt myself.

good ayeee?

#36. I guess.

2010-01-03T23:33:00.001+08:00

"Life doesn't give you the people you want. It gives you the people you need. To help you. To hurt you. To love you. To leave you. And to make you into the person you were meant to be."

-via poetic heartache.

#35. twenty ten.

2010-01-01T00:00:00.021+08:00

The past twelve months have moved past me in the fastest way possible and i am somewhat glad it did. 2009 gave me another chance at love, gave me a chance to see who my friends really are. It gave me yet another chance to grow. Lets all bid farewell to 2009, and may 2010 be another chance for us to get it right. (again)

God knows what i am going to make right. 2009 is over and i am glad it is. I am thankful for the many people who tried to "make" or "break" my year but its' over. I'll take the lead now. I am not any follower now. I'll do what's right and say no to you.

I will not allow any of you to take my things.
I will not allow any of you to hurt my feelings.
I will not allow any of you in to ruin my 2010.
I will not allow any of you to use me abuse me or anything like that.
I am not for play and you can go to hell.

please. i will get angsty, crazy and i will contemplate to ignore any of you, for a long time.

This 2010 will be better.
It will be different.
AMAZINGLY different.

:)

#34. will happiness come knocking?

2009-12-31T12:13:00.000+08:00

#30. Its time.

Change is good. Challenge the norm. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Who correct you out of love. Know when to embrace your own solitude. Take a step back sometimes but also know when to take risks. Be grateful for every awakening day. Enjoy life. Laugh more. Don’t dwell on the negatives. Use obstacles to obtain the lessons that should be learned. Expand your horizon. Love more. Hate never. Kiss more. Hug more. Don’t create regrets. Try new things. Live your life. It’s short. Do it up. Our days are numbered.

Which only means i need to get out more, away from you. My past 2 years wasn't exactly how i wanted it to be, because of you. I didnt get to do what i want to do because of you. Yes i cannot choose you, but I have a choice to tell you, you're wrong all this time. I am not saying i am right but, you're wrong. You love me for all the wrong reasons and care for me for all the wrong reasons. Yes you've cared, yes you've loved but i think you've been blinded for God knows what reason and I think I have been the most patient person besides D to tolerate your mood swings, your i-do-not-effing-understand behavior etc etc. Yes i did screw up last year, but this year? I tried so hard to put everything into place but have you seen it? Or you just refuse to acknowledge it. If you think they can help you then why? Then why do you ALWAYS end up asking me for help? I am not your here for your benefit. I love you, but do you?

I was with you when you needed me, I cancel plans to be with you. I drag the people around me to just be with you. Did you see all that? No. For obvious reasons, I am still here, even if it hurts, even when you're hurting me. But i still pray that with time, you'd realize i am real, i am here. Its the last of 2009, you already ruin it, surprised? i am not. :(

Oh god, help.

please?

#33. Love is many splendid things, NOT.

2009-12-31T00:26:00.003+08:00

#32. cravings.

2009-12-29T11:35:00.000+08:00

Baklava.

Churrrosss!

NOTOBVIOUSENOUGHAH?!

MACCCRRROOONS!

I don't get hungry as often as i used too but i'd die for them.
well i wont. but you get it la horrr.

OHHHHWELLL.

#31. One day.

2009-12-27T23:19:00.026+08:00

I remember vividly how i use to run and scream whenever i saw a cat. But i dont anymore. Its not like i want to keep one as a pet though. But this one is just soooo adorable, looking cute and all. :)

ps; we'll make it.

#30. Its time

2009-12-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

#29. Dear heart,

2009-12-23T13:08:00.000+08:00

true to that.

#28. i need em' pills. NAO.

2009-12-20T14:36:00.002+08:00

#27. help?

2009-12-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

I PROMISE NEVER TO BE LIKE YOU.
NEVER TO HELP YOU IN THE NEAR FUTURE.
NEVER NEVER NEVER.

NEVER. :'(

#26. can you?

2009-12-17T12:04:00.005+08:00

When i thought i was happy, i was wrong. When i thought things was going right, i was wrong. I was wrong. wrong. wrong. IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, THINK AGAIN.

I dont even want to talk about it to anyone because its that same feeling. The fuck-i-dont-know-what's-wrong feeling.

I feel like a retard trying to be happy cause it hurts.

I feel stupid trying to make everyone else not worry about me.

I feel bad.

OH WELLLLLLL. I AM OKAAAY.

Stronger then i was before, DEFINITE.

the worst year in my history.

#25. I heart cakes!

2009-12-15T19:56:00.000+08:00

ohmeeegosh. I have cravings for cakes. i love cakes. ALLL kind of cakes.

ANYYYHOOOS, I am currently addicted to tumblr. I might just shut BS and move everything to tumblr. but i wont. Causeee i havent really got a hang on tumblr. YET. soon enough. soon. :) anyway, I found this in tumblr. When i was thinking about cake. I decided to actually go to google and such to look for cakes. -_- hah!

WHY I AM IN LOVE WITH CAKES.

#1 BECAUSE CAKES CAN BE ART! EDIBLEEE ART!

#2 THEY CAN BE SOOOO COLOURFUL, LOOKING AT IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

ps: the last one is my current wallpaper. ohmeegosh. me wanna lick my screeen NAOOO!

#3 I DONT FANCY CHOCOLATES BUT I AM A SUCKER FOR CAKES THAT I'D DO ANYTHING TO HAVEEE THIS BABBBIES! *hyperventilateees

#4 THIS REASON IS IRRELEVANT. BUT ISNT THIS ONEEE DELICIOUS!!!!!!????

I have one more thing in life to live for, cakes. Don't be surprise, i mightttt just start baking(for the fun of it of cause). Because of my love for cakeess!

I HEART CAKES! <3

(who doesn't?)

#24. my heart was never broken.

2009-12-14T16:06:00.000+08:00